Fifty shades of gay Spartans

When you got married, the first night, your Spartan bride got a haircut like a man’s.  She was dressed by her attendant in male clothes and left in a dark bedroom on a couch.  You came to her carefully from the military quarters because nobody must hear you or catch you.  This goes on for some time and many Spartans even got their wives pregnant before they even saw them in daylight.

Life of Lycourgos – Plutarch


Knowledge transfer, the godly way

In “Against Celsus”, Origen analyzes a a mural from Samos in which Hera is showing fellating Zeus by explaining it thus:  “…he is misinterpreting the painting of the unspeakable act.    It is symbolic.  Here is receiving the words of the God Zeus, his seed of wizdom, and keeping these words within her in order to adorn the Universe with them.”


Yeah right.


(A more detailed scientific inquiry into the Stoics and this matter can be found in this paper.)

How to get her to bed

Catch a bat and use myrh to draw this shape on its left wing.   Also the seven names of the god and then the words “May (name of woman) , the daughter of (her father’s name) , not get any sleep until she sleeps with me”.  Then let the bat away.

-Greek Magical Papyri 

Of mice and women

It makes sense that any man who is a criminal or a coward, will be reborn as a woman.

Timaeus – Plato


(photo of Annie Smith Peck – mountaineer and author.)

Elephant love

“Some animals express their passion vividly.  Others are almost like humans and more sensitive about it.  Aristophanes of Alexandria loved a flower girl.  But so did an elephant.  Every day as the elephant went through the market it would bring her what fruit it had taken.  The animal would stand next to her for many minutes.  And it would very gently fondle her by putting its trunk inside her clothes and fondling her lovely breasts.”

Whether Land or Sea Animals Are Cleverer – 972 d  -Plutarch 

The godess with great buttocks

Aphrodite was of course know for her beauty.  She was often referred to as “callipigos”, ie “lovely rumped” Aphrodite and her sacred tree was the box tree, again in honor of her buttocks!  ( πύξος [ pyxos ]) the tree, (πυγαί [ pygae ] the buttocks)